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Stop Singing Songs of Self Pity

self pity

Way back in 1963 there was a hit song recorded by Lesley Gore called “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To.” I used to love this song as a kid, but today the very thought of it makes me want to scream! It is a song glorifying self pity with the ultimate pity party, and if you’ve read my most recent blog, Promise No More Pity Parties, you know how I feel about them. (If you missed it, you can read it by clicking on the title.)

The fun fact about the song is the source of its inspiration. According to an article at today.com, the daughter of the composer threw a bit of a hissy fit because she didn’t want to invite her grandparents to her birthday party! Her parents insisted she invite them. She cried. They told her not to cry. She replied, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to!”

We just never know where inspiration will come from!

Good for the girl’s father for catching that phrase in the moment and turning it into a hit song. Unfortunately that gave girls permission to openly express self pity in the face of love lost. But, you have to admit that a song about a 16 year old having a fit because she didn’t want to invite her grandparents to her birthday party is not very sexy!

Stop Self Pity In The Name of Love

Feeling sorry for oneself is such a non-productive use of time and energy. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against healthy grieving in the face of any kind of loss. However, dwelling indefinitely on relationships that end and the behavior of those supposedly “in the wrong” is not healthy. In the long run that kind of energy only leads to more of the same. It’s an old thought pattern that doesn’t serve anyone. So, please, in the name of love, stop!

Change Your Tune

Helen Reddy’s song, “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar”, is a song I highly recommend as a replacement for the pity party song. This is a song about strength, resilience, wisdom, growth and moving forward in the face of any kind of loss, challenge or adversity. This kind of encouragement is always helpful. I replay this song in my mind thousands of times. Hear me roar is my motto and my mantra.

I had to change my tune a long time ago and this song helped me through some pretty rough and tumble times. I used to be very good at making excuses for why I couldn’t do things, why I couldn’t move on, why everyone in the world should have felt as sorry for me as I felt for myself. I could have earned a Ph.D. for self pity. Thank goodness there is no such degree.

Get Out of the Victim Mindset

Become the master of your mind and learn how to live as fully as possible for you. Find a song, a quote, a poem or a positive statement that expresses the way you would rather feel. Make those words your mantra. Repeat them so often that you hear them rolling through your mind in your sleep. Here’s another one of my favorite quotes. “If you live your life afraid because you are afraid to live, you live no life at all.” And another from the courageous Franklin Delano Roosevelt, “The only thing to fear in life is fear itself.”

It’s time to move out of fear and into life! Join me, please!

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